I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
