dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
