Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize