Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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