is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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