did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
