In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
