Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
smell my finger.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
