bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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