everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
