just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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