i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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