Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
