At least make sure they are 18
Why
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
