i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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