I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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