She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
