Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
