in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
