i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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