I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you had me at cake vodka
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
