Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
