Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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