It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
