The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
