Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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