I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Who died my cat blue again?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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