I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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