how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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