Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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