we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
