Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
