We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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