We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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