Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
accomplished twins. life is a go
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
