barbara walters just said penis...
honey bunches of taint.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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