I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
