somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
