Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
