plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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