Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
