tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So many bounce houses so little time
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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