ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
