We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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