The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize