Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
