After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
