I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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