I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
