So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
