We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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