It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
