making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
