Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize