can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
