Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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