that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hippo gnu deer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
