well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
