I want to make a zoo with you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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