Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
is this the sara with the beer cane?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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