i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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