im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
