Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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