You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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