I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
