Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
