he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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