The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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