you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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