i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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