no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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