I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
