I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
