kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
