It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
