forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
