You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
