I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
