I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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