I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
