you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
