Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
