He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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