Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
