Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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