but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I didn't notice because vodka
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
