why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize