EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
