hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
