Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
