I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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