I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
