my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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