Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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