new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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