Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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