Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
