Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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