Why does Corona taste like a burp?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
