Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
