I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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