Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
