I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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