I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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